For a change, I am happy. For a change, I look forward to the future. There are things that are about to happen; things that are life-altering, that incite some much needed optimism, that scare the hell out of me, that I actually welcome into my meager life. Lets just say, its that time of the year when I am incredibly positive and scarily anxious at the same time. Nonetheless, its an essential rite of passage and am confident that my plunge into the bay of no return will be both rewarding and rejuvenating.
For years, I needed a control variable, one that puts me in place, that gives me some inkling of a border between normal and excess, one that grounds me deep down into the chasm called reality, and now I am happy that I finally found it. And while I might have been the big bad wolf for most of my public life, I think that finally there are people that see that I have a little more to offer than goofball jokes, unneeded rants and frivolous exploits. I have lived for too long in big minutes and small victories, and now I finally get the chance to relish the small seconds and big victories.
So here’s to change. Here’s to love. Here’s to my amazing luck and incredible fortune. Cheers.
- Boil Toor Dal
- While the dal is on the stove, feel free to roam around, chat on the phone, watch tv, feed orphans, debate healthcare policy and write an op-ed about police brutality
- Go back to the kitchen to find smoke, steam and bemused roommates who are wondering if it is better to bring the fire extinguisher or call the fire department
- Calm them down, turn off the flames and extract the top 20% of the unburned dal
- Transfer the dal to another vessel, realize that there is a slight pungent after-taste to it
- Scour the kitchen for any masala that would subdue the burn taste, in that process, help yourself to all or most of the following: Jeera, Garlic, Coriander Powder, Coriander Powder, Red Chilli Powder
- While you might not always like your food salty, feel free to do a little juggling with the salt shaker and pour at least half a handful
- At that point, since the taste hasn’t changed much, bring in the bigger guns. Don’t worry about quantities, you already have a hail mary pass at this point, just pour to your heart’s pleasing all of the following: Sambar Powder, Pav Bhaji Masala, Cholay Masala
- Curse yourself for not having enough self-control, put discipline and composure on the top five changes to make in life list. The tasting turns into a disaster and spice is overwhelming; the overpowering masalas’ mixture might start giving you light headache, so keep some cold water nearby.
- At this point, remember what your momma told you there are only two things to put in any indian dish when it gets a little too spicy – Tomato Paste, and Half cup of milk
- Now let it boil for another 10 minutes till the aroma wakes up the neighbors and the people across the street
When your’re done, bask in the glory that is your special dish; take a minute, take a deep breath and stand back and appreciate your masterpiece. Its only once or twice in life that your creative juices spill out in full force, and in those moments, you should have but little apprehension about the consequences.
Before you feed it to your unsuspecting roommates, take a photograph from your phone and post it on your blog. And hence here it is.
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Themocracy